waiting 4 burger

i am nw at a burger stall wif dearest fiancee.we were here 4 like half an hour ago.stil it is x ready.actually hubby got a badminton game at 830 but nw since it is 9pm already,i dunno wat time we'll reach subang. Btw,my tummy sudah berbunyi.guess so dh msuk zon lapar.huhu.. Tomoro's monday.means another working week.i bile pk psl keje boring je. I rs demotivated sgt. Tp i cannot b like that.i haf 2 face d world.juz holding 2 d quotes i had about a year ago. "life is too short.do not wake up feeling regrets.love those who treat u rite n 4get those who dont" well gotta go.my burger is here.thnx hubby.

e-o-e-o-e-o [siren sudah berbunyi]

the clock is ticking [tick-tick-tick-tick] today it is like 83 more days before my big day. well, well.. look wat i've got here to post. aarrhhh..suddenly i felt so damn nervous like there's a butterfly in my stomach. oohh..aahh.. how? felt like alamak time tak banyak lagi la. n banyak benda lagi ni.. uissh.. uissh.. this week alhamdulillah managed to control my emotion and i really love it. besides ofis politicking and hypocrites, i got better way of life besides work to think of. it's not losing anything if i dont befriended with those losers at ofis. guess they have worked too long in that place n that's y they cant think out of the box. penat je aku. arrhh..lantak ko.

btw, first n foremost, my loan has been approved. alhamdulillah. i need to check out the cash maybe today later. then i need to diskusi with my fiancee [dearest dear aka dd] on the reconciliation part that need to be done on the money. mak andam, we have paid more cash to her n left like rm5k. wow! quite an amount of money. then, card finally DAD says ok. so told my fiancee to proceed with it. i have confirmed the number of cards which is 500 pieces only. then, i need to do some searching on the pics based on the theme 'garden of heaven' hehehe... hhmm.. wat else? yah..hubby already confirmed the photographer at my house. covering all the events. then, sumwhere in june, we will see the guy to pay deposit n stories behind the event. i mean wat time, wat's the theme, colors, the susun atur cara n lots more. kain for pengapit blum beli lagi. tapi kain for family dah survey survey. maybe today we will confirm n buy the kain. plus this week nak siapkan forms. fuh! fuh! busy la gue. mmm.. lagi yang major haa... blum call pakcik husin tu lagi. nak confirm ngan die susun atur tu camne. pastu yang lain lain tu minor. eh wait ade lagi major. nak tempah kain for baju nikah ni. well, i think i just go with the simplest design that is 'baju kurung moden' well, ape lagi eh.. i think skang baru minor such as inai-spa-bunga telur. oohh ade lagi la. nak cat umah and nak kemas umah. itu tersangat la major. lemme recap things left to do.

1. call pakcik husin
2. forms
3. inai
4. spa
5. door gift
6. hantaran [sket lagi]
7. kemas umah [cat umah, buang2 yg mane patut, maintain umah]
8. tempah baju nikah
9. beli kain

MOST IMPORTANT THING --> HEALTHY, HAPPY

hubby posted long words aka letter to my mail

i was so touched. i know he is trying his best to comfort me eventhough he is not so capable to comfort me if to compared to my mum, but thanks for everything dear. i dunno y me or is it juz myself that sumtimes have the thought that he [my fiancee] doesn't care bout me, love me or even miss me. coz he is bz, bz, bz, bz, bz with work and matters but when if it is his friends he will on the spot entertaining them. hhmm... tak suke la feelings tu. menyemak je ok. tak suke tak suke tak suke.. hahaha..
mum stil at kampung.. having her time there. she seems to be enjoying herself there. gud for her. but as usual kesian my dad. tapi as wat hubby said, my future babies need more of existence physically and mentally. so i have to be strong and emotionally strong in order to sustain that. insya-Allah.
work-->bnyk benda nk kena settle. mmg tak ckup tangan. so kena pandai2 budget time.

~ happy mother's day ~

to my mother aka mama; siti rodziah bte nordin. i love u very much. i am damn very very much worried bout urself. i am still clueless even til now why is it that u r acting this way. behaviorial is not like ordinary people. i miss u very much. i miss those talks including laughs and wise words u gave when i shared with u my problems, my happiness and evrything in ur daughter's life. i'm sad when i look at abah, sleeping alone in front of the tv. i'm sure he misses his wife too. the wife to share his ups and downs through life and how i know he wants to share things when he is about to retire soon. mama, there's many things i've asked u in ur life, r u mad at anybody, r u thinking of anyone in the past. she seems to be cant let go of her past and that wat makes it worst. coz she is living now based on her past memories. everyday her stories are based on dulu-dulu, kisah dulu-dulu, macam mana that things happened.
as a girl going through marriage ceremony, there are a lot of things to be shared and asked from sumone to be name MOTHER. eventhough i can ask my future mother in law or my sis or my frens who are married, of course it wil not be the same as my MOTHER. but i should think positive. i should think that at least i stil have a mother. unlike some of other people who doesnt have a mother when they r getting married. who to refer to, who to ask, who to share with. come on girl, stop crying. tears wont change anything without action to be taken. what i can do now besides taking mum for medication is to pray to God for her well being n long live. insya-Allah. here i would like to take this opprtunity to wish my mum Happy Mother's Day!

pening

i pening + sakit kepala. i had my dinner already. rice with fish curry which nenek bungkuskan for us earlier. we went back to kampung coz nenek is having the kenduri plus birthdays for danial n qaisara. my cousin n lil auntie. hehehe.. =)

minggu ni deals with a lot of feelings and emotions. tot of sharing it later. now i juz tot of reading some books for my own pleasure. ok chiow!

pertaining to previous post

isshh..tak tau nak kata ape. this whole week was like a looooooong week for me. i started my monday with a happy mood coz i'm back from holidays, then it is dragged to end of the week. i mean til today friday. even my holidays i have no time to share it in my blog. now it is juz the sad sappy part of my life. btw, that's wat life is. at times u'll feel happy. at times u'll feel sad n sappy. at times u r angry. my mood was uneasy to sustain. after a mood-wash yesterday, i woke up today feeling refreshing but unfortunately, my mood is the other way round after one fon call from brother this afternoon. mum was not back yet since 7 in the morning. sumtimes rasa cam nak go crazee.
tadi dad juz got home. n u know wat..i told dad that mum seems to be okay when she took the hormone medication from general hospital but u know wat he said. it looks like the clinic is klinik sakit jiwa [psychiatrist] y our typical malay are like that ar? if we go to see psychiatrist means we are no longer in our sense. as in we are INSANE. CRAZY. ohh.. but wat i see is the positive side. fiancee was thinking of taking mum again to see the psychiatrist maybe at sjmc as i said it is nearer to home. cost that we have to bear. well, wanted to find out tomoro or monday wat is it about. u know i am soooo tensed bout that.
my job --> trying to take things easy at workplace. bcoz i am not going to work there for lifetime. but family yes and a big YES. of course more priority to them. i dah start sakit2 kepala n pening for these past few days. i think i am tensed. i am trying to care of my food consuming so i'll not be getting gastric. so nobody can get worried sick of me.
fiancee--> thanks for being concerning. i know u r trying to understand but at times i juz felt like it is enuf for u to kno of my probs coz u r full with ur own probs urself [family, business, money, work, friends, girlfriends, ex-s, myself) hhmmm... sometimes juz wondering whether is it possible for me to wake up the next day without being heavily bocked down on my brain. sakit la kepala i ni. if it involves analytical or subjective my right side of brain is the correct part. involving figures and figures will be left side. so at work will be more on left but on right will be on other matters.
already had my dinner that is quite late la. around 10am. going to bed soon. i'm pretty sleepy.

feelings

every one has their own problems. i mean everybody. u know la. yesterday was a very tak tahan situation for me. with conditions at home. everybody who is listening wil say i understand [that doesn't exclude me] but infact is they dont really understand every one's problems but should also say thankful wat wat they have actually said. for being caring.
even yesterday i rasa cam i ni make a lot of troubles to my fiancee. when i told him that sorry for burdening u, he'll be mad at me tapi tu ape yg i rasa. ntah la.. when it involves feelings macam2 ade. mmg rasa wanna be alone i repeat WANNA BE ALONE tu very high. tapi nnt selalu kena marah ngan my fiancee. wat for? wat for? hhmm... aisshh..dah la it's not good to sighing all the way coz it means that you are not thankful of wat God has given us. we should thankful of wat we have regardless of wat we got. it is juz how me managed n handle things. fiancee juz called told me to go for my lunch. i dunno wat to eat. i have no mood actually. so how? i have to fight this emotional. anyway, i got some better topics to be posted for this month as i started my may month with mood of happiness. will update later when i'm at home. coz i got some cool pics to share as well. yoohoo! and another syiok thing is my countdown.. hehehe.. today left like 94 days b4 my marriage. yoohoo! takut, nervous, happy, excited, happy, syok....bak kata astro macam-macam ada. hahaha.... jap lagi nak call orang tanya pasal kompang. maybe my ex-classmate kot. oklah chiow miow!

- mutual feelings is when you have the understanding between 2 lovers without the necessary to explain it all-