yet no title for the topic. i have not many words to say. i dah ask his apologize. nak get back to him. please.. please.. love u very much. tak sabar nak habis period so i can pray to God, something very very important yang i dah lame tak buat. even buat pun tapi tak penuh. hello.. i'm 25.. bile nak penuhkan ni. makin lame makin tua. haha. must really improve myself. most probably insya-Allah i nak puasa if can this thursday. maybe him will join me too on that day. tapi see first biler i blh pray la. nak cpt sbb nak pray to God. sume nye.. nak cite kat Dia. Tuhan yang maha agung lagi maha menyayangi.
sayang.. i love u so much. please forgive me. i want to get back to u.. please... appreaciate that if u choosed me. will not make u feel regret. ever ever n ever. love u so much..
: MY MARRIAGE :
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
....
pls give me strength, pls give me courage, pls give me another chance for our relationship. u can count on my words. n i'm really serious bout this.
little sunday
i'm at home. dun really have the mood to eat or drink. but i ate nase goreng this morning. maybe roti la later juz to lapik my perut for not getting gastric. last nite i slept bout 1am after got home from kak yan's house. along is going to langkawi today. dunno for how long la. wished she n family got a very nice holiday. i woke up roughly ard 5.30am. then i called him. he haven't sleep. he juz got home from sending her back to her house. they spend some time together. i managed to talked to him on the phone til like 7am b4 he went to sleep. oh God! i'm feeling the pain here. it's really pain here in my chest. i can't describe it. i cried again. i can't take it. i'm sad n sad. i talked to him n we shared a few stories. i wanted him back. n will change my attitude for him. everything i mean it this time. guess so this time God really wanna show me something that i don't realised in my life. how small am i to be compared to GOD. i'm thankful to God for still giving me the air to breath, food n drink n place to survive. how i take things for granted. i love u so much sayang. please forgive me n accept me back. for our relationship. last time trying for our relationship. i wanna prove to u that i can change. the way i think, the way i communicate, the way i handle problems, the way i appreciate things n the way see things in future. plus not forgetting improving the family's quality that i yet to be missing in me. guess too much pressure keep me to all of this. n for not praying led me to all of this. Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku aku berdosa kepadamu. Ampunilah dosaku. kepada Muhamad Faiz Marican bin Mubarak, i'm guilty. as well and i regretted for doing all that to u. i love u so much. please forgive me and accept me back. i will change n u can count on my words this time. pls yang. i'm begging me. will try my best to not let the things keep hunting u. please sayang.. reconsider bout it. i love u very much. please..please...
kuasa tuhan maha adil. apa yang anda lakukan sekarang mungkin anda akan dapat balasannye di dunia atau mungkin di akhirat. tapi untukku ia sudah terbukti di dunia betapa kuasa tuhan itu sangat besar. Tuhan yang maha agung, maha segala-galanya. aku berasa sgt bersalah dan ingin menukar caraku dan ingin kembali bersame dirinya. Ya Allah aku memohon padamu, kau lembutkan lah hati Muhamad Faiz Marican Mubarak supaya dia dapat memberi peluang kepada ku sekali lagi dan menerima ku kembali. semoga hatinya terbuka dan hatinya lembut dalam memikirkan ini. aku amat menyayangi dirinya. Ya Allah aku memohon kepadamu. aku berdoa kepadamu, ampunilah dosaku. terimalah diriku ini. lembut kanlah hati Muhamad Fazia Marican supaya menerima aku kembali. aku amat berharap dan aku akan mengubah segala perbuatan ku supaya aku dapat meneruskan kembali cinta kami ini. kepada fana; i'm really sorry. tak pasal2, u are being dragged in this situation as well caused by me. i'm really sori. aku berpegang pada janji dan aku akan buktikan yang aku akan berpegang pada janjiku. this is for real n u can count on my words. YANG... I LOVE U SO MUCH! DO ACCEPT ME BACK... FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP. PLS GIVE IT A TRY FOR THE LAST TIME. I LOVE U SO MUCH.. I WILL DO EVERYTHING N ANYTHING TO GAIN UR TRUST BACK. PLEASE DO HAVE SOME TRUST IN ME. LOVE U ALWIZ. TIL END OF MY LIFE. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I'M SINCERE.
kuasa tuhan maha adil. apa yang anda lakukan sekarang mungkin anda akan dapat balasannye di dunia atau mungkin di akhirat. tapi untukku ia sudah terbukti di dunia betapa kuasa tuhan itu sangat besar. Tuhan yang maha agung, maha segala-galanya. aku berasa sgt bersalah dan ingin menukar caraku dan ingin kembali bersame dirinya. Ya Allah aku memohon padamu, kau lembutkan lah hati Muhamad Faiz Marican Mubarak supaya dia dapat memberi peluang kepada ku sekali lagi dan menerima ku kembali. semoga hatinya terbuka dan hatinya lembut dalam memikirkan ini. aku amat menyayangi dirinya. Ya Allah aku memohon kepadamu. aku berdoa kepadamu, ampunilah dosaku. terimalah diriku ini. lembut kanlah hati Muhamad Fazia Marican supaya menerima aku kembali. aku amat berharap dan aku akan mengubah segala perbuatan ku supaya aku dapat meneruskan kembali cinta kami ini. kepada fana; i'm really sorry. tak pasal2, u are being dragged in this situation as well caused by me. i'm really sori. aku berpegang pada janji dan aku akan buktikan yang aku akan berpegang pada janjiku. this is for real n u can count on my words. YANG... I LOVE U SO MUCH! DO ACCEPT ME BACK... FOR OUR RELATIONSHIP. PLS GIVE IT A TRY FOR THE LAST TIME. I LOVE U SO MUCH.. I WILL DO EVERYTHING N ANYTHING TO GAIN UR TRUST BACK. PLEASE DO HAVE SOME TRUST IN ME. LOVE U ALWIZ. TIL END OF MY LIFE. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I'M SINCERE.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
mum
mum even though not having a stable mood, but as a mum she is sad for what happened to her daughter. maybe now it's time for me to re-think and re-figure out how to improve myself in all manners and also to put family first. even though i have probs n even though i have my bf, i can't juz dump everything at my bf. whatever it is family comes first coz u were being brought up by them and they raised u up. coz they will not throw u unless u did a very major major thing. family's love will not end (endless love). so juz pray to God that everyone is healthy n fine.
i'm suddenly feel damn hungry. now like 7am. i woke roughly round 5am coz i slept at 9 last nite. coz the nite b4 i dun have enuf sleep. i think the last i ate was the kfc (visiting my ofismate coz she gave birth to a baby boy-so cute)
urrgghh... wanted to type somemore but i dunno what to type. n at times i'm speechless. okaylah.. going to class soon. nak mandi. i really i can't describe my feelings at the moment. i can't. i really can't.
i'm suddenly feel damn hungry. now like 7am. i woke roughly round 5am coz i slept at 9 last nite. coz the nite b4 i dun have enuf sleep. i think the last i ate was the kfc (visiting my ofismate coz she gave birth to a baby boy-so cute)
urrgghh... wanted to type somemore but i dunno what to type. n at times i'm speechless. okaylah.. going to class soon. nak mandi. i really i can't describe my feelings at the moment. i can't. i really can't.
wat a day..
guess evryone knows now that there's a huge huge problem happening in my love life. after all these things we went thru, i la.. screw things up. went out with another guy but we did some hanky panky stuff la. him said what's got in ur head? can't u think of me. kesian kat me or don't u ever love me anymore. if don't juz say so. dont simply go out with other guys while u're on another relationship. urgrghhh.... have no words to explain. i'm speechless.
TO HIM --> i'm really sorry. i really mean it. apologies for doing all of that. he gave me another chance but he said if i screw things up again, there'll be no more chance and he'll hate me til end of his life. it really thought me a lesson. really really really. oh gosh.. shima shima.. i have to prove it to him as his trust is zero on me. he's counting it again. thanks. before we end the talk, he said "juz remember that you are carrying my name if u r my gf, so pls behave"
earlier and yesterday nite ard 4 to 5 something.. talked with mum. confessed eveything to her bout our relationship. she cried as well. we cried and mum juz comforted me to say *sabar*sabar* <-- heard of this phrase before? it gives really a lot of meaning.. patience can lead to success, patience can lead to happiness, patience can lead to satisfaction, patience can lead to happy ending. believe in that coz whenever we have patience, we r fine and can go that far. the thing that matters is TIME.
suddenly, when all of this happen. i dunno la. i'm speechless. maybe God wants to show me something that i haven't realize. Ya Allah, ampunilah segala dosaku kepadanye, kepada orang tua ku dan sesiape sahaja yg telah hatinye aku lukai. maybe i don't know who else. but i'm really sorry. pls take me back to my origin. i know i've been missing my prayers for many months already. n i regret it. pls god give me strength to go thru this. i'll will try to improve myself to become someone better and to achieve my dreams as well.
thnx to parents too. u kno la i've been membebeling bout my parents, family, yes i know ppl got problems, but maybe mine are not that worse as compared to someone else's probs. n i shud be thankful to God for letting me to breathe in his world of creation.
TO SHIMA --> please please and please take all of this thing as a lesson to u. thinkk twice or even more before u do something.
TO HIM --> i'm really sorry. i really mean it. apologies for doing all of that. he gave me another chance but he said if i screw things up again, there'll be no more chance and he'll hate me til end of his life. it really thought me a lesson. really really really. oh gosh.. shima shima.. i have to prove it to him as his trust is zero on me. he's counting it again. thanks. before we end the talk, he said "juz remember that you are carrying my name if u r my gf, so pls behave"
earlier and yesterday nite ard 4 to 5 something.. talked with mum. confessed eveything to her bout our relationship. she cried as well. we cried and mum juz comforted me to say *sabar*sabar* <-- heard of this phrase before? it gives really a lot of meaning.. patience can lead to success, patience can lead to happiness, patience can lead to satisfaction, patience can lead to happy ending. believe in that coz whenever we have patience, we r fine and can go that far. the thing that matters is TIME.
suddenly, when all of this happen. i dunno la. i'm speechless. maybe God wants to show me something that i haven't realize. Ya Allah, ampunilah segala dosaku kepadanye, kepada orang tua ku dan sesiape sahaja yg telah hatinye aku lukai. maybe i don't know who else. but i'm really sorry. pls take me back to my origin. i know i've been missing my prayers for many months already. n i regret it. pls god give me strength to go thru this. i'll will try to improve myself to become someone better and to achieve my dreams as well.
thnx to parents too. u kno la i've been membebeling bout my parents, family, yes i know ppl got problems, but maybe mine are not that worse as compared to someone else's probs. n i shud be thankful to God for letting me to breathe in his world of creation.
TO SHIMA --> please please and please take all of this thing as a lesson to u. thinkk twice or even more before u do something.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
i'm full
that's rite. haha. i makan nasi tapi taklah banyak sgt. standard what. or i mmg dh kenyang since agi. hehe. makan makan makan. i ni funny le.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
blur day
i was quite sleepy la this morning when i woke up. i woke up roughly ard 7am. glad to know that hubby is getting better. tapi stil asked him to take a day off mc if not feeling well. tapi he said if boleh tak nak cuti for the 1st month he started working. 3rd march to 3rd april at least tp i told him if dh tak sihat nak buat camne. health or $? lost rite.. me too. but in order to generate more $, we have to have good health. am i rite?? btul kan. at ofis, wanted to log in to facebook tapi the address got banned. huh? dunno y? but friendster stil can. takpe la. btw, i was thinking that, nvm la i'm going home today so might as well juz login from home la.
today i finished almost all on the icps. not many major deviations but wil look into one major area that i'm stil not very satisfied with. most probably can be done by tomoro then need to feedback to boss regarding it.
hari ni hari balik ke umah. i cam a bit like urrgghh.. tension sket la. with the condition. n now i mean NOW while typing this, i'm very very feel like tak nak duduk kat rumah, nor klg lama nor malaysia. nak pindah mane2 yg tak tension. urrgghh... macam2 hal la. mmg kat umah i skang ni tgh tegang kan. i sebenarnye tak nak balik tapi not allowed to stay until further notice. tapi most prob esok tido sane balik. then friday balik. dengan umah yg sgt bersepah with all the baju n no one NO ONE really cares to kemas. plus kata nak renovate umah plus situation mum yg hmm.. no answers yet. plus sisters, plus brothers, plus dad sometimes plus hubby nye situation. how i wish now i nak be alone.. alone.. malas nak pikir all of the stuff. nak tido can or not.
tadi before kuar gi jusco n nak amik my book kat fotostat shoppe, dad tak kasi we all kuar sbb kawan die nak datang. tp we all kuar jugak sbb buku i tu kena amik b4 10. we kuar jgk. then gi beli burger. then, masa i dh blk tadi, tgk dad tgh renjis air kat dinding. mum like lari2 tak suka. i tak paham ape sebenarnye yg mum larikan diri from. then masa nak kluar balik to send dad's wallet, kwn die ckp suruh bwk mum gi jumpe doctor nak check her blood circulation. hmm.. tadi masa tak emo sgt, ade la terpk.. we tried many ways to get mum back to her situation. i mean masa die normal. sometimes jgk i ade pk malas la nak pk pasal topic MUM ni. urrghh.. orang lain cam tak kesa. y must i.. pastu orang lain like *sabar*sabar*sabar* n orang lain pun slalu ckp *sabar* tu ade limit n bile limit tu dh kat maximum.. bile2 boleh burst kan. uurrghh...geram. tapi bile pk balik (macam2 la i ni-tapi tapi, kelakar) i pk positif je la. insya-Allah mum akan sembuh n from there on mmg medication kena amik til end of her life. n pls give me strength to go through this situation so i dgn tenangnye akan dpt go through day by day in my life till i gets old.
today i finished almost all on the icps. not many major deviations but wil look into one major area that i'm stil not very satisfied with. most probably can be done by tomoro then need to feedback to boss regarding it.
hari ni hari balik ke umah. i cam a bit like urrgghh.. tension sket la. with the condition. n now i mean NOW while typing this, i'm very very feel like tak nak duduk kat rumah, nor klg lama nor malaysia. nak pindah mane2 yg tak tension. urrgghh... macam2 hal la. mmg kat umah i skang ni tgh tegang kan. i sebenarnye tak nak balik tapi not allowed to stay until further notice. tapi most prob esok tido sane balik. then friday balik. dengan umah yg sgt bersepah with all the baju n no one NO ONE really cares to kemas. plus kata nak renovate umah plus situation mum yg hmm.. no answers yet. plus sisters, plus brothers, plus dad sometimes plus hubby nye situation. how i wish now i nak be alone.. alone.. malas nak pikir all of the stuff. nak tido can or not.
tadi before kuar gi jusco n nak amik my book kat fotostat shoppe, dad tak kasi we all kuar sbb kawan die nak datang. tp we all kuar jugak sbb buku i tu kena amik b4 10. we kuar jgk. then gi beli burger. then, masa i dh blk tadi, tgk dad tgh renjis air kat dinding. mum like lari2 tak suka. i tak paham ape sebenarnye yg mum larikan diri from. then masa nak kluar balik to send dad's wallet, kwn die ckp suruh bwk mum gi jumpe doctor nak check her blood circulation. hmm.. tadi masa tak emo sgt, ade la terpk.. we tried many ways to get mum back to her situation. i mean masa die normal. sometimes jgk i ade pk malas la nak pk pasal topic MUM ni. urrghh.. orang lain cam tak kesa. y must i.. pastu orang lain like *sabar*sabar*sabar* n orang lain pun slalu ckp *sabar* tu ade limit n bile limit tu dh kat maximum.. bile2 boleh burst kan. uurrghh...geram. tapi bile pk balik (macam2 la i ni-tapi tapi, kelakar) i pk positif je la. insya-Allah mum akan sembuh n from there on mmg medication kena amik til end of her life. n pls give me strength to go through this situation so i dgn tenangnye akan dpt go through day by day in my life till i gets old.
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