it was my registration day at uitm yesterday. at first thought of taking half day leave then tgk2 cam tak sempat je plus i ni dh lemau. tak larat nak drive to kl summore, so i decided to take el for the rest of the day. it's damn hot yesterday. siap basah lencun semua kainku termasuk la pantese. haha... then lepak kat ofis faiz rest for a while b4 went down for lunch. the nite before i slept at my sis house. dh banyak kali she asked me to overnite at her house tapi i tak pegi. malas dan malas dan kengkadang tu rasa cam arrgghh.. tak nak leave home. the fact that i'm getting married soon n don think i can sleep at my sis house anymore, it's better if i sleep now. besides i'm going to her house instead of lepaking sumwhere without purpose. watched transformers with cheeq. yan bought the vcd for him. according to yan, they've watched it like few times like nak muntah dah tapi coz he likes it soooo.. tengok la. anak sorang kan. talking bout anak... hmm..=) a more long journey for me to go. sbb insya-Allah nak dapat anak jgk.
semalam after some sitting and relaxing at his ofis, went back home ard 5.30pm. pastu i rasa cam sangat tak syok. biase la, i akan tarik muka masam nak marah tak nak jawab sumer soklan and yg paling best akan jawab "takde pape la" "takde pape" which i think he thought like bullshit. asking me to share with hime what am i facing. i mula2 tak nak la citer. that's y i diam je. then, b4 mum gi semayang i ajak die borak2 with me. i cried like nobody's business. i was like "mak... btul ke ape keputusan yang shima buat ni. nak kawin ngan faiz" mum was like "astaghfirullahalazim.. ma..tak yah la nangis. insya-Allah" banyak berdoa. Tuhan kan ade. pastu i cakap la kat mum i ni jeles pastu i rasa sakit hati bile faiz dok msg2 and call pompuan lain. then i said dulu mmg i ade layan laki lain kejap. then that's y he is revenging. pastu i tanye lagi kat mum, y dgn i kengkadang cam tak layan. i sms pun tak reply. if girl lain tu pantas aje nak reply. if kalo i call tgk name i appear kat fon, cam lambat je nak answer, tapi kalo girl lain if tak call die he will call them. ntahlah mak... then i melantak2 nangis. meleleh air mata. kesat kat baju kurung. mum then advise me, shima.. kahwin tu permulaan untuk satu kehidupan. nabi pun suruh umat die kawin. insya-Allah just banyak doa, jangan tinggal semayang. pasal pompuan lain tu mum ckp lagi... laki ni bini die banyak tapi isteri die satu je. yang tepi2 tu buat tak tau je. tak yah nak amik peduli. juz jaga makan pakai laki nko, jaga diri then doa banyak2. Tuhan kan ade. i rasa soooo damn sebak. mmg rasa nak nangis sangat. can't help it. pastu i ingat balik kenapa he chosed me instead of other girls. i jammed. don have the exact answer. let it be the secret between him and his heart. pastu farid balik, tanye apsal nangis nangis ni. pelik tgk i. pastu mum jawab hal org pompuan la. then time mum tgh cite her experience of marriage, i punye mind pusing2 at that time.. hhmm...are there stil love for him in my heart? i wonder... trying to search inside my heart. within my soul. maybe the place for king of my heart will remain question mark ?? until i really got the answer to it. then insya-Allah it will be filled up with prince and princess. that will be my son and daughter. =) bengong kan i ni. ape2 mengarut la i pk. pastu towards the end, i dh rasa relief lepas mum cite2. i juz doa and istighfar kat God. biar hati i tenang. maybe ni dugaan masa bertunang. at last i tertido lps mandi. roughly ard 10 sumthing. i rasa heavy sgt mata and brain i ni. maybe sbb siang tension campur dgn period plak. so emotion not stable. haiisshhh! bile la nak pandai kawal emosi ni. sometimes it's weird kan bile pk pasal emotion no. sesuai ngan header of my blog. hahaha... enuf bout yesterday.
today i was quite bz at work. balik tu singgah giant jap beli barang nak buat lasagne. dh siap tapi tak brape menjadi sgt. hahahaha.. 1st attempt mahh.. nvm lps ni will try to add more things to spice up my lasagne. today's recipe is juz a basic one. =) he's coming to get one soon. hopefully he'll like the taste of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment