i'm down

that's wat i feel at the moment. by right in less than a week my engagement is goin to take place. i shud be happy. yeah! shud.. but i'm sad. juz cried. few weeks been tackling that emotion but today, i'm weak n loss. it's mum. n family as well. i rasa tension sgt. semalam i mc. tak sihat. ade rashes. today planned to go out in the morning. tapi he's going out with his family to breakfast. pastu tgh hari he is going out with his family to buy stuff. sempat ke tak pegi survey n tgk barang ni. so rushing. dgn weekdays yg kelam kabut n so bz tak tentu arah. sekarang i rasa how much in need of a mother for a this kind of occassion especially for weddings. tapi takpela i sabar je la. sebab i ade kawan yg mum die dh passed away. so how can she managed her wedding. n now she's pregnant. so i should think positive. takpela. yang mane i boleh buat i buat la yg termampu. insya-Allah. juz tadi i ade terpk.. dunno la whether is it a conscious or unconcsious thought. macam i ni yg need therapist and psychiatrist. hhmmm.. bengong la. i pun blum mandi. jap gi nak mandi pastu nak kuar kejap. if he can't make it i pegi sendiri je la. or else nnt i try to ask mus. ok la. nak mandi,